Managing Professional Relationships: Working with People You Didn’t Pick And How to Make It Work

Let’s face it – no matter how great your job is, there’s always going to be someone you’re working with that you might not exactly click with. It could be a colleague with a completely different working style, a boss whose communication method is more shouty email than “Let’s have a chat,” or a team member whose ideas feel like they’re from a different planet. It’s inevitable. You can’t always choose your coworkers, but you can choose how to respond.

Here’s the thing: managing relationships with people you didn’t pick is a skill – and like any skill, it takes practice, patience, and a bit of understanding. So how do you get along with a colleague whose style is as different from yours as chocolate is from chilli (I’m still not sure how that combination works)? Let’s explore.

1. Understand That They’re Not Actually Trying to Annoy You

Believe it or not, most people aren’t actively trying to drive you insane (even if it feels that way sometimes). In a professional setting, people have different working styles, and that’s completely normal. Some people communicate in short, direct sentences, while others might prefer a long, meandering conversation about the “big picture.” Some folks thrive in silence, while others love to chat through every tiny detail. And just to confuse things further, people can have good days and bad days and change their style to suit their mood!

When you hit a communication roadblock, take a step back and remind yourself: “It’s not personal.” They’re just wired differently. Understanding this can go a long way in preventing you from getting frustrated. After all, nobody wakes up and says, “I’m going to annoy my colleague today” - at least, not intentionally!

2. Learn the Art of Listening

People are often more complicated than they seem on the surface. Maybe your coworker seems abrupt in meetings, but that doesn’t mean they don’t care about the project. Maybe they just have a very no-nonsense approach. Or maybe they’re just really introverted and find group settings exhausting.

The key to understanding why people behave the way they do is listening. Not just hearing their words but actively trying to understand the intent behind them. If you’re feeling confused by someone’s behaviour, ask them for clarification. But do it kindly! “Hey, I noticed you seem frustrated in the meeting today. Did I say something that upset you?” This kind of open communication can help clear up misunderstandings and build mutual respect.

3. Recognize Different Communication Styles (And Embrace the Differences)

Some people are talkers, others are thinkers. Some love to brainstorm, while others want a clear, step-by-step plan. Everyone has their own communication style, and knowing how to navigate these styles will save you time, energy, and unnecessary stress.

Here’s a quick cheat sheet for recognizing and responding to different communication styles:

• The Talker: These people love to chat, about everything. If you’re dealing with a talker, be prepared to listen (and maybe even gently steer the conversation back on track). When they ask questions, answer in a way that’s as engaging as their stories.

• The Analyser: They might take their time to think things through. They’re not as quick to make decisions or throw out ideas. Be patient, and give them space to process. Their thoroughness is a gift when it comes to solving problems.

• The Doer: Action-oriented and always ready to dive in. The doer likes to see results, yesterday. If you’re working with a doer, focus on clear, action-based communication. Skip the fluff and get straight to the task at hand.

• The Planner: They want to know every detail and expect things to go according to plan. Be as prepared as possible, and don’t skip steps. If you need to make a change, give them plenty of notice.

  
  

4. Know When to Speak Up (And When to Hold Back)

It’s important to speak up when something’s on your mind, but it’s just as important to know when to keep your cool. If your colleague has an annoying habit (like always interrupting), address it professionally. Instead of saying, “You’re always interrupting me!” try, “I’d really appreciate it if we could take turns speaking so I can share my thoughts fully.”

On the other hand, if you know someone’s just having a bad day or is overwhelmed, sometimes it’s better to not say anything at all and give them the space they need. Pick your battles – save your energy for the things that truly matter.

5. Respond with Empathy, Even When It’s Hard

Empathy is a powerful tool in navigating tricky professional relationships. When you take a step back and consider what’s going on in someone else’s life; whether they’re stressed, overwhelmed, or just having a rough week, it’s easier to respond with patience and understanding.

So, when someone’s behaviour gets under your skin, ask yourself: “What might be going on for them? Is there something I’m missing here?” Empathy doesn’t mean letting others walk all over you, but it does mean being open to understanding where they’re coming from.

6. Take a Deep Breath and Choose Your Response

Sometimes, all you need to manage a tricky professional relationship is a deep breath. Seriously. Before responding in the heat of the moment, pause and think about how your words or actions will come across. Are you responding with respect? Are you being clear and concise?

Managing relationships at work is an ongoing exercise in balance. The more you practice patience, understanding, and clear communication, the smoother those interactions will be. Remember, you cannot control the behaviour of those around you, but you absolutely CAN control how you respond, react, and communicate. Decide how YOU want to come across to others – and do it. You are unique, so stuck to your approach, trust in yourself, and just let the people around you be who they want to be. 

One concept I love is Mel Robbins' Let Them Theory - the idea that we should just let people be who they are, whilst we do us. Instead of trying to change someone’s communication style or approach, we can choose how we respond to it. If we accept that everyone operates differently, we can stop getting frustrated and start finding ways to make those differences work for us.

Final Thoughts: It’s Not About Changing People, It’s About Understanding Them

At the end of the day, you can’t change how someone communicates or behaves, but you can change how you respond to them. The key is to understand their communication style and find a way to work with it. It’s about creating an environment where everyone feels heard, respected, and ready to collaborate.

So, whether you’re working with an enthusiastic talker, a thoughtful analyzer, or a go-go-go doer, remember this: Professional relationships are built on mutual respect, empathy, and a little bit of humor. After all, you’re all in this together.